It is near the end of the semester, my first semester. Everything has moved so fast, does that mean that the rest of my life will pass my by within the flashes of the flashes, too? I certainly hope not. I guess everything just blows my mind and surprises me when I sit and think about the fact that in three years, I will be completely alone. I’ll be out of college, hopefully teaching somewhere cool, hopefully being courted.
Crazy.
As for other things that I have not recently reported on:
My grades are still scary. They’re not going to be awesome and I know it, and that makes me feel terrible. I’m just not doing as well as I would like to. I don’t know what it is…
Well, I made a dumb comment and let my guard down and now HE knows. He hasn’t shown me how he feels about it yet, but I just have to give him time. I’m so afraid that this thing with HIM will impair my ability to find someone real, someone who I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. Also, I am totally and completely alone. I have nobody.
I feel awful.
Plans for the summer? I have no idea. I just know that I’ll be doing a lot of sleeping and a lot of hanging out with Adri. I don’t know about work yet and I also don’t know about California. I haven’t heard from my sister, giving me the ok to come out…I wonder what’s up with that? I don’t know. I am getting a new tattoo and Adri and I are getting a Hookah together. I’m excited about that.
I feel nauseous.
Anyway, that’s it. I’m out.
