Life…The Final Frontier

Could I be a German prodigy?

Nothing more would make me happy than to be the best at what I love so dearly.

I have a new german prof. this semester, Dr. V. Glajar. She is somethin’ else. I really like her a lot. I have a good feeling about her and this semester. I think I’m going to learn a lot from her; inside the classroom and out. She is very smart and accomplished and more than anything else,  I can tell from barely knowing her that she likes to have fun, she’s funny. Who the hell doesn’t like to have fun? (Well, except for those few that I could probably name off the top of my head. LoL)
She said one thing to me tonight that made me kind of wonder about her and about me…She said that I reminded her of herself. That’s pretty sweet if you ask me,’cause she’s awesome. I want to know though, I want to know exactly what it is about herself that she sees in me. I’m sure that during the rest of the semester I will get to know her better and in turn answer my own questions. But for now, I’ll  just wonder and keep on laughin’ with the good Romanian lady.

Well, I just thought that I would let everyone know that I’m excited about this. I was actually smiling today.

Well, it has been awhile since I have spoken out to the public. Not much has been going on since I posted up last. Except that I am back at school now. Starting a new semester, clearly this one is more important than last semester. While here these recent weeks, I have gathered that I just haven’t found my spot here at Texas State. I have friends and people that I hang out with and do stuff with, but I’m talking about a club or organization or something of that sort, something binding. It is clearly apparent that Band/Color Guard left a void in my life. For four years, my life was consumed by pep-rallies, football games, bus trips, competitions, winter guard, bake sales, fundraisers…etc. Now that I am free and have no power over anyone and can do what I please with my time, I feel lost. Boo to that. I wish that I could just find my place and stay there and be safe from whatever. But no, life has to be not fun and difficult and teach me a lesson. Stupid life.Exciting News!!!

The big question that is on my mind these days is…Does he know? Does he know that I am “in love” with him? Has he suddenly pieced together what’s been going on? Does he know and is OK with it? Is he freaked out? Will he act on what he knows?

The love that I have for him is one hundred percent unforgivably forbidden.

I love him because he is intelligent, articulate, humorous, talented, driven, loving, understanding, multilingual. Honestly, I could sit somewhere and just listen to him babble on and on about whatever and be entertained by his presence. I don’t even have to see him to feel enthralled. Just knowing that he is in my midst…

Sadly, he is unavailable to me. He is with wife and child. If I were someone’s wife and I had a child by him, I wouldn’t be too happy to find out that my husband is “fooling around” with a much younger, prettier and thinner woman.

I have made so many mistakes in attempting to hide my feelings and sly actions. That is why I think that he knows. I think that this last slip up of mine was the one. The one where he realized…I think she may have a thing for me. Can he blame me? I don’t want to sound shallow or anything, but this IS NOT about looks. Definitely not. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not hideous, but he isn’t someone that I would “normally” go out with or be seen with all hugged up with or anything. It’s just a fact. My afflicting affection is solely based on his personality, mannerisms, presence and general being.

If he does know, may he please know that my feelings are involved and if at one point he does decide to confront me about it, let him be civil and understanding. This is one person that I want to be a part of my life as long humanly possible.

I love him.